Lost in translation #2

I am a whimp.  I am physically unable to pluck my own eyebrows without crying like my 16-month-old when he gets his vaccinations, therefore, I opt to get them waxed.  Probably less often than I should, a point that became very clear to me after looking at photos from my birthday this week of myself resembling someone from the Pleistocene era.  I end up going once every few months to the same place because a) it's cheap, b) she does a good job, and c) the lady is nice.   However, there are two reasons I always hesitate to go. The first is the fact that ripping hair by the roots hurts (and also kind of grosses me out).  The second is that the lady has a very thick accent, resulting in the fact that I understand probably only every third word shes speaks, thus making the rusty wheels in my brains creak into overdrive, leaving me exhausted after the ten seemingly endless minutes I spend with her.  Today, it became clear that there are other hurdles as well.  I'm ashamed to admit I don't know her name, but she never introduced herself and doesn't have a card, so I'll use that as my excuse, and, for the purposes of this blog, she will be known as "Eyebrow Wax Lady."

Eyebrow Wax Lady, in her barely understandable thick accent: "So you want jut eyebrow, or something else? Lip?"
Me, suddenly doubting myself: "Uh, how much is lip waxing?"
Eyebrow Wax Lady: "Five dollar.  Only three dollar for you."
Me: "OK, sure."
Eyebrow Wax Lady: "Good, your lip really hairy."

Things didn't get much better from that point on.  She started a monologue that, from what I could decipher, was a diatribe about all the chemicals China puts in everything.  I think she mentioned something about silicone eggs and injecting decaying chicken meat with something to make it look fresh.  Aside from the fact that I wasn't entirely certain that this was true, I would have been perfectly content to lay there and utter indistinct "uh-huhs," simply because I didn't want to reveal the fact that I had only a foggy idea of the topic of conversation by remarking something completely idiotic.  However, she apparently wanted my participation.

Eyebrow Wax Lady: "You know the omyics in China?"
Me: "The what?"
Eyebrow Wax Lady: "The omyics in China."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Eyebrow Wax Lady: "You know, the omyics in China few year ago."
Me, feeling too awkward to ask again: "No, I've never heard of it."
Eyebrow Wax Lady: "You know, the omyics where all people around world come to play sport."
Me, sheepish: "Oh, the Olympics, yes."

And then I think she said something about the Chinese government shooting chemicals into the air so that it wouldn't rain, but I can't be entirely certain.  I decided on a new tactic.  I decided to be proactive and start my own line of conversation.

Me: "Well, did you hear about the scandal with the baby formula in China?"
Eyebrow Wax Lady: "Oh, yes, it awful.  Eating babies very bad."

I thought perhaps I hadn't heard her correctly.

Eyebrow Wax Lady: "Yes, I eat lot of things, but eating human is bad."

At that point I decided to cut my losses and go back to noncommital "uh-huhs" and "ohs."  I wonder if tonight Eyebrow Wax Lady is writing a blog entry about a weird hairy girl who has never heard of the Olympics and thinks the Chinese are cannibals.