Thursday, January 26, 2012

Potty mouth

If, in the next several days, I ask you if you need to pee, don't be offended.  It's not that I am worried about your ability to hold your urine, it's because this phrase has escaped my lips an alarming number of times over the past couple of days, and I'm beginning to fear a sort of burn-in of my brain (a malady normally reserved for plasma TVs, which, I admit, doesn't flatter my current mental capacity). This is not much of an exaggeration, either, because it has become my new "filler" response--you know, like when you're not really paying attention to what someone is saying or doing, but simply answer "uh-huh" to everything?  Well, instead of "uh-huh," my new response is "Do you have to pee?"

Matej: "Momma, look, big school bus taking kids to school!"
Me: "Uh-huh.  Do you have to pee?"


Matej: "Momma, I reading!"
Me: "Very nice.  Do you have to pee?"

If you have children you've potty trained, you will likely understand my defect, especially if you consider the accidents of the more solid variety.  And, because I still remember the routine from potty training Jakub two years ago, I decided not to kid myself and broke out the bribery straight away.  Brown stuff in the toilet will be rewarded with a brown treat.  OK, that's a gross way of putting it, but this time around I've been shamelessly pitching the fact that if Matej poops in the potty, he gets chocolate.  He is very excited about this arrangement, in theory.  However, much to my dismay, carrying out this plan has proved to be less than successful.  But, it's still early days, and, as one of my friends once told me, "Don't worry, he'll be potty trained by the time he starts kindergarten."  Not that that is at all comforting.....

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