Ouch.

"Mommy, I love you so much!"

These spontaneous, unsolicited proclamations make any mom's heart sing, particularly because when they come, we know that they are coming from a place of truth.  Several times a day, Jakub tells me he loves me and gives me kisses, and despite the frequency, it never loses its magic.  Jakub also often tells me I'm beautiful, which is equally heartwarming.  But children can also sometimes deliver zingers, like this morning, when I came out of the bedroom:

Jakub: "Mommy, why do you have an ugly face?"

I'm not sure what expression was displayed upon my face (most likely a look of extreme pain), but it must have been something pretty strong, because when Jakub saw my face, he smiled sheepishly,

Jakub: "Oh, sorry...."
Me: "Why did you say that?
Jakub: "Because I saw you and I saw your face was ugly."

OK, I'm not naive.  I know I don't look great in the mornings without makeup, especially directly after having washed my face; the red areas redder, the dark circles under my eyes darker, but.....Ouch.

Later I realized that whenever Jakub asks me why I'm putting on makeup, I say "So I'll look pretty," so maybe, just maybe, it was his offhand way of asking why I wasn't wearing makeup?  I hope....However, half an hour later in the car, out of nowhere, he said, "Mommy, you look so beautiful."  For the record, I was still not wearing makeup, since I was going running after I dropped him off at school, so maybe he was feeling guilty and wanted to make up for the earlier punch in the gut, or maybe he really meant it, but either way, I appreciate these kinds of comments a lot more.

Potty mouth

If, in the next several days, I ask you if you need to pee, don't be offended.  It's not that I am worried about your ability to hold your urine, it's because this phrase has escaped my lips an alarming number of times over the past couple of days, and I'm beginning to fear a sort of burn-in of my brain (a malady normally reserved for plasma TVs, which, I admit, doesn't flatter my current mental capacity). This is not much of an exaggeration, either, because it has become my new "filler" response--you know, like when you're not really paying attention to what someone is saying or doing, but simply answer "uh-huh" to everything?  Well, instead of "uh-huh," my new response is "Do you have to pee?"

Matej: "Momma, look, big school bus taking kids to school!"
Me: "Uh-huh.  Do you have to pee?"

Or

Matej: "Momma, I reading!"
Me: "Very nice.  Do you have to pee?"

If you have children you've potty trained, you will likely understand my defect, especially if you consider the accidents of the more solid variety.  And, because I still remember the routine from potty training Jakub two years ago, I decided not to kid myself and broke out the bribery straight away.  Brown stuff in the toilet will be rewarded with a brown treat.  OK, that's a gross way of putting it, but this time around I've been shamelessly pitching the fact that if Matej poops in the potty, he gets chocolate.  He is very excited about this arrangement, in theory.  However, much to my dismay, carrying out this plan has proved to be less than successful.  But, it's still early days, and, as one of my friends once told me, "Don't worry, he'll be potty trained by the time he starts kindergarten."  Not that that is at all comforting.....

Sometimes I want to open a bottle of wine at 10 a.m.

Matej: "Mommy!"
Me: "Yes?"
Matej: "Mommy!"
Me: "Yes?"
Matej: "Mommy!"
Me: "Yes, honey, what do you want?"
Matej: "Mommy!"
Me: "What do you want?"
Matej: "Mommy!"
Me: "What?"
Matej: "Mommy!"
Me: "What?"
Matej: "Mommy!"
Me: "What do you want??"
Matej: "Mommy!"
Me: "OMG, please tell me what you want!"
Matej: "Ummmmmmmmm............Mommy?"
.....and repeat the whole conversation again.  And again.  And again.  And again.

Dear god, I hope this is a short phase.