Night visitor

I don't know if all moms respond this way, or just the high-strung ones like me, but the slightest child-related rustle over the monitor or otherwise during the night acts like an electric jolt to my system that instantaneously peels my eyes open.  My brain usually lags several seconds behind, which often results in a bizarre half awake/half asleep state, kind of like a digital photo slide show in which one picture fades into the next, except in this instance, it's my dreams fading into reality, which is often more than a little confusing for my sluggish grey matter.  Nowadays, these lurches into reality are a result of Matěj's frequent night wakings, but last night, I heard a rustle and a whispered "Mommy?"  I bolted upright in bed, ready to spring into action when I saw Jakub's small silhuette in shadow at the entrance to our bedroom. 

Me: "What is it honey?"
Jakub: "Mommy, I want to sleep in your bed with you."

I hauled my tired bones out of bed and walked to Jakub, explaining to him that there wasn't enough room in our bed.  I know from experience that if I gave in even this one time, bedtime would become a battle of epic proportions (threatening to wake Matěj)  every day for several weeks to come.  I wanted nothing more than to cuddle with my little boy, but those of you who know me know that sleep has been a challenge in our house ever since Jakub was born almost four years ago, and it has become a bit of a pet obsession of mine.  The fact is that nobody would have gotten any sleep, what with Lumberjack Joe sawing logs all night on one end of the bed, and with Matěj's baby monitor broadcasting his screams into the night on the other.  But when I got to Jakub, I noticed that he was clutching his favorite Krtek pillow from aunt Lída, ready to snuggle with mommy and daddy in bed.  Reluctantly, I lead a disappointed, protesting Jakub back to bed, tucked him in with his tykelight and twilight turtle (as you can see, we've invested a desperate amount of money into gadgets in the hope that our children might sleep better), and promised him that for his nap the next day he can sleep in my bed.  But sometimes it's the little things that get to you, and I kept replaying the image of his little form hugging his pillow at the foot of our bed, which made my heart ache, knowing that all too soon he will go from wanting to snuggle with mommy to wanting to be dropped off three blocks from school so his friends won't see him with his hopelessly uncool mom.  I lay awake last night, willing myself not to rush back to Jakub's room, scoop him up in my arms and bring him back to bed with me, just so we could share that intimate bond between mother and child a little while longer.  Maybe I'm being too uptight, or maybe it all seems selfish for me to guard my sleep so fiercely, but it really isn't. The more I sleep, the more I have to give to my children the next day. More energy, more enthusiasm, and, perhaps most important, more patience.  I have learned that I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of my children.