Translation for kids

Ever wonder what your child actually hears when you're speaking? Well, here's are a couple of handy translations for two common situations:

What you say: "Honey, it's not time to go yet, we have 15 more minutes."
What your three-year-old hears: "We're leaving this very second. Go put your shoes on and stand by the door and ask 'Mommy, are we going NOW?' every 15 seconds for ten minutes, and then whine 'Mommy, I want to go NOW!' for the remaining five."

What you say: "We need to hurry right now, sweetie, mommy is running late."
What your three-year-old hears: "It's time to play tag! Go run around the couch five times while I chase you, trying to get your shirt on. Then, on our way to the car, please stop at every pebble to remark how beautiful it is. Also, do this all while being extremely cute so I can't even be all that mad at you."

Of course, things get much easier as time goes by. For instance, here are a couple of examples from the teenage years:

What you say: "Honey, can you please pick up your shoes and put away your video games?"
What your teenager hears: "Blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah?"

What you say: "Sweetie, it's your turn to put away the dishes."
What your teenager hears: "Blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."

What you say: "Hey, boys, let's have pizza for dinner!"
What your teenagers hear: "Hey boys, let's have pizza for dinner!"